My God, this has been a trying week. Patience is not a word used to describe me. Never has been. Normally I would add “never will be!” I don’t want to do it that way again. I have got to find a way that I can have patience and grace. I have to find a way to “Breathe! Relax and just plain Chill!”
How do I slow down? How do I enjoy the ride? How do I live in the moment? I have no idea, but I have just never have been able to do any of them. Well, that’s not entirely true. I do have times when I can live in the moment, but I admit I kind of always want to know the end result when I start. I mean really, why waste the time if the end result is not what you want.
I think of late, I am just so overwhelmed with my world and the changes that are getting ready to happen, that I live in a very high voltage existence. My brain feels like it could explode at times. I just so badly want to run away from it all. I mean, I know I can’t and I know things are going to end up ok, but sometimes running just seems like the best choice. It seems much easier to do in relationships than with my business. Run that is!
I watched the premiere of The Apprentice the other night. Old Donald decided on a fabulous marketing gimmick. He brought in a cast of new victims that seem to pretty much have lost it all when the economy took a nose dive. You could feel the desperation coming out of these people. You could feel the emotional turmoil going thru each and every one of them. Tempers were quick to fly off the handle. The boardroom was the most viscious I have seen, considering it was only the first episode. There is a lot at stake for these people. I feel the same way. I feel as though I have come undone a bit. I feel a bit anxious by which direction I want to go! Due to the stress, I have lost my patience and grace. I have lost a bit of hope. I feel a bit overwhelmed! I know in the end that it will all work out. Luckily, my Mom raised me right. I respect money, so I know how to get thru the muck. I am in a better position than most with investments and such, so there is a bit of a safety net. For that, I am thankful. But, I would be lying if I said I felt I had my shit together!
I am trying to count to ten before I do anything rash. It doesn’t always seem to work. Trying to breathe before I send the nasty email or text. Trying to remember that others are also in this painful time in history. Grace is so needed during these times, especially when personal relationships are involved. Clearly, there are tools that I somehow missed along the way. All I can do is try everyday to make my wrongs right. I have to slow down, as I am assuming most do. I have to breathe! I have to visualize the light at the end of the tunnel, but damn it I wish it would just show up right about now!
Tags: Patience and Grace