I can’t tell a lie! I had a moment of my very own. It lasted a couple of weeks, and to be rather frank, it messed my shit up! I am a survivor, clean and simple. I am the person people come to when they need a jolt of the “Pull Your Shit Together” reality chat. I have always been the strong one, the powerful one, the one everyone knows will live to lead another day. I just didn’t have it in me for those two weeks. I am not embarrassed by it. I didn’t hide it. My poor Mom was visiting and seriously thought I had lost it and recommended the “ole anti-depressant remedy”. I think it is fabulous if people take them and get better, but it is something that I personally don’t ever want to get involved with. I feel like I need to go through it, need to live it, understand it, and work through it!
I am back on track now. Moving forward on this little adventure called “LIFE”. I have to admit while I was going through it, I thought about all the people that truly are struggling right now. Struggling with work, or lack of work, family, sickness, loss and everything else life throws us. I tried to remind myself that it would all work out and I know it will. But, what about the people that don’t have the core that I was so luckily given? An acquaintance just spilled all his shit on me the other day. My God, he sounded so miserable and desperate and sad. He told me he had gone on anti-depressants and when he told his doctor about all his stress, the doctor was like “WOW! No wonder you feel so stressed” They asked him if he had ever contemplated suicide and he said “Yes!” I was busy having a fun day with my Mom that day, but I took the time to talk with him. Took the time to give words of encouragement and let him know that I actually knew exactly where he was coming from. I understood the stress of being the boss and being in charge of so much and feeling at times desperate to have some sanity in my brain that never stops. I listened. I remember thinking how ironic that this person is telling me his story, all the while thinking “ Here I am struggling to keep my mental state above water for my Mom, my staff and everyone else, but I am offering a shoulder to someone else that really did sound like he was on the brink of personal destruction. ” As always, I bucked up, just like my good Ole German Mom would tell me to do. We ended the conversation on a happy note, and I believe that I was able to help calm his mind a bit. Sometimes all we need to hear is “You are not alone!” Now when I say that, I mean that I really felt where he was because I had lived it. In a way, we are in this together.
I have to say that I didn’t enjoy the crazy place my brain went to over the last couple of weeks. I didn’t enjoy knowing that my brain was not my own, that it felt like it could explode anytime. And, I mean that literally. But, I would not give that up, knowing that that was what allowed me to reach out to another in emotional need and connect with them. Hopefullly that conversation helped him. I have had many of those conversations with people since, so I am only led to believe that I was supposed to go through the dark days in order to be able to share a bit of my struggle with someone else in need!
Remember to be a little kinder to someone today. You never know where they are at in their life. Sometimes a smile, a joke, a bit of compassion or a shoulder can make all the difference in the world. “What a difference a day makes!”
Tags: this crazy life